


Wait For It

by missgaley, sathalia (missgaley)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Canonical Character Death, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Friendship/Love, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, POV Male Character, Romance, Temporary Character Death, Waiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 03:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6267055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgaley/pseuds/missgaley, https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgaley/pseuds/sathalia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Episode 44. Returning from the lake doesn't go quite as expected. Vex needs time. Percy is willing to wait but his internal conflict only drives his need to apologize. What will Vex take as an apology and will she ever let him? Impatience ensues. Confusion, feelings, and conflict all follow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wait For It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CurrieBelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurrieBelle/gifts).



> Accompanied Listening: [Click here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReTP6x_sDiM)

_“Death doesn’t discriminate_  
_Between the sinners_  
_And the saints_  
_It takes and it takes and it takes_  
_And we keep living anyway_  
_We rise and we fall_  
_And we break_  
_And we make our mistakes_  
_And if there’s a reason I’m still alive_  
_When everyone who loves me has died  
_ _I’m willing to wait for it.”_

— Aaron Burr, _Hamilton: An American Musical_

 

Whitestone Castle was quiet, almost eerily so. The entire atmosphere had been entirely too sombre since returning from the lake. The party had dispersed—Vex going straight to bed with Trinket almost literally on her heels, Vax vanishing into the shadows as per usual, Grog and Scanlan moving a little more silently than usual toward the kitchens, and that left Percy and Keyleth in foyer, looking around as if their surroundings were entirely unfamiliar.

“Do you think you should—” 

“No.”

Percy’s tone was harder than he’d intended. But he didn’t have time to spare Keyleth and apologetic glance before Cassandra came barreling down the stairwell after leading Vex to a prepared guest room, latching herself onto her brother by throwing her arms around his neck and a blur of motion. 

“Vex’ahlia told me what happened…”

It was all Cassandra managed before Percy suddenly felt as if his sister’s embrace was smothering him rather than comforting. His breath hitched and for one long moment, he was almost certain that his lungs ached for air even though he was indeed still breathing. He pulled away sharply and both Cassandra and Keyleth stared; the latter concerned and the former startled as if perhaps her brother had been injured and she didn’t know. But any wounds that hurt him now were wide open in his memory.

_Moving forward, grasping the top of the sarcophagus, more movement, a gas he’d only narrowly avoided… and then the look of surprise of Vex’s face as she reacted too slowly… a moment of calm when she thought that she’d escaped the blast… then nothing. A body, a face too pale, skin too cold… not Vex, not Vex, NOT VEX…_

“Percy!”

Keyleth’s voice broke through the fog that had clouded over his mind, the darkness that had taken over every inch of his vision until Vex’s empty face was all that he could see. Percy shook his head and insisted that he was fine… even if he wasn’t.

He was not even close to ‘fine’.

But he set off at a brisk pace, the kind that Cassandra knew better than to try to keep up with. It was the pace he took when he wanted to be alone. Keyleth knew too but she tried to follow anyway… until Cassandra put out a hand to stop her. Percy didn’t even look back. 

His destination was his workshop. There wasn’t much he could do there right now. Ideas simply weren’t coming to him but he wanted to be there anyway. Perhaps just holding his tools in his hands could calm his nerves. Taking a seat at his workbench, Percy just stared down at the table. In his eyes, it looked like stone. It looked like the stone under Vex’ahlia’s feet before her entire body had fallen to meet it. Percy blinked. The image was gone. It had only been a matter of hours… he knew that he wasn’t simply going to _forget_. But how long did he have to wait for all of this to stop haunting him at every turn? Everything from the ceiling to the floors shouldn’t have reminded him of that split second of horror but they did and not even blinding him could obscure visions of something he had already seen.

Gods, he had been so foolish. He knew better. He knew now that he should have waited. It had been the heat of the moment—the surge of adrenaline that had accompanied the battle against the beholder, the ecstasy of realizing they had all survived once again, and the relief that they were one step closer to helping the people of Emon..

He hadn’t stopped to _think._ He hadn’t stopped long enough to realize that Vex’ahlia had followed him to that sarcophagus. He had narrowly escaped himself but if he could have taken the brunt of what Vex’ahlia had suffered from that trap, oh, he would have. She wasn’t supposed to be there. That trap had been his to suffer the consequences of.

 _THUD._

A fist came down on the table, and thin, black tendrils snuck out from between his fingers. Tightening his grip, they receded and Percy took a breath. Besides Vax, he was the one who made rash decisions. He rationalized them. He internalized these validations until he convinced himself that he could not possibly be making a mistake. But this time he had made the worst mistake he possibly could have… and he’d gotten one of his best friends killed. He’d gotten Vax’s _sister_ killed and he had just apologized to the other man for past mistakes… and future ones. Percy was absolutely certain that that apology did not cover _this_ mistake. 

It could not even come close. 

Why was he the one who had lived? Vex may be alive now but reviving her did not cancel out the fact that she had not been _close_ to death, it had taken her. 

It could have been forever.

Percy could have continuing berating himself for hours if it weren’t for the low rumble behind him. It was the rumble of a bear. Turning in his seat, Percy saw Trinket trying to nudge his way into the workshop, lumbering through the door in his awkward way. Bears weren’t really meant to be indoors and therefore the doors weren’t precisely built for an animal of his size… but the bear somehow managed. Percy blinked, a little surprised to see the bear _without_ his half-elf companion. 

Trinket trudged forward until he was right in front of Percy, almost staring him down from this angle. It was hard not to be intimidated. But then Trinket merely huffed heavily and dropped to the floor lazily. A chin found its way into Percy’s lap and there was another low growl of possible… discontent? Percy tentatively put his hand out to scratch the bear between the ears. Another rumble, happier now as far as Percy could tell. Only Vex really knew Trinket’s exact reactions. 

Speaking of Vex, where was the ranger if not with her bear? 

It didn’t take long for Percy to realize that Trinket hadn’t come alone after all. Vex’ahlia could hide in the shadows almost as well as her brother but the shift of a pair of metal tongs on a table by the door gave her away. She must have leaned on them. Percy squinted past his glasses, not able to make her out entirely. The only light in the room came from a few candles he had lit once he sat down. Damn poor vision… everyone _else_ could see just fine in the dark.

“Vex, you don’t have to hide.”  
  
“I’m not _hiding_ , Percival,” came the response. 

Well, that wasn’t what it looked like, so to speak. Percy narrowed his eyes further. He could just make out her figure on the other side of the large workshop. There was a tension he wasn’t used to seeing in her there. Every time she moved or shifted her weight, it looked like it was done with the weight of lead in her limbs. He wasn’t certain but every so often it looked like she couldn’t help but shiver. Was she still cold after all this time? Or was it just… what was the word for it? Ah yes, psychosomatic. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was.

Percy could have smacked himself. Of course, this entire time he had been drowning in his own guilt and he hadn’t even thought to _check_ to see how Vex’ahlia was feeling. He supposed he could write it off as not wishing to disturb her; after all, she had a knack for coming to him when he needed it. But this wasn’t about _him_. He held the responsibility but Vex… 

“Please don’t hide, Vex’ahlia.” 

Trinket’s head shifted in his lap, looking up at the softness of Percy’s voice just then. He seemed to rumble approvingly before laying his head back down. One hand absently continued scratching the bear’s ears but Percy’s attention was focused solely on the half-elven woman standing in the shadows before him. He saw one tentative step… then another. Eventually, she came into the light, stopping a few feet away. Percy would have stood to greet her but… well, Trinket did not seem to want to oblige him.

That much made Vex chuckle slightly.

But the smile only went so far—it did not meet her eyes. In fact, she looked too tired for it to be healthy. She was no longer on death’s door but it seemed that sleep had done her no good, assuming she had gotten any at all. And she seemed out of sorts. No witty remarks about Percy and his own state or the fact that Trinket was practically cuddling him. No anger, no relief, no grief… her expression looked so painfully blank that Percy was almost scared that he was seeing a ghost instead of Vex.

“Come sit down.”

Percy struggled to lean over Trinket’s head to pull out a second stool for Vex. Stepping close, she took over for him, perching atop it with the same weighted movements. Percy opened his mouth to speak then closed it again. No amount of eloquence could save him now; words were lost on him anyway.

“Vex, I am so sorry.”

“Percy—” 

“No, Vex’ahlia, I have to apologize. I know there are no number of words that could possibly make this up to you. I don’t know where to begin—” 

“Percy—” 

“—and what I did was beyond foolish. I barely know what to say to the others let alone you. I didn’t realize that you were… if I had known… Vex, I am so sorry, I—” 

“ _Percival_.” 

The intensity of her tone was in stark contrast to her expression. Percy was nearly startled by how loudly she’d said his name, practically snapping at him in order to get his attention. Things between them had been… well, they’d been _progressing_ in an interesting way. He hadn’t heard her snap like this in a long while, if ever. Percy cleared his throat but did not speak again. A beat of silence passed between them before Vex finally continued. 

“Percival, listen to me. I didn’t come down here to hear you apologize right now. Save them. Save them for my brother, should he try to kill you the next time he sees you. Save them for Pike who will be devastated when she realizes that she couldn’t be there when we needed her had it not been for Kashaw. Just… save them, Percival.” 

Was this… shock that he was feeling? Her voice was so even, so cold, that he couldn’t tell if this was anger or not. Percy nodded mutely, unsure of what to say. The first thing he wanted to do was to apologize if he had hurt her in some way but that would clearly not be appropriate. So he remained silent. Vex just looked away. 

“I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I thought I had stopped breathing again. Everything would feel so far away. I don’t… I don’t remember what happened but when I close my eyes, it feels like the next time I open them that nothing will be there. I don’t want to hear you apologize right now, Percival. It won’t help.”

The only sound between them was the sound of a snoring Trinket who was now definitely drooling on Percy’s trousers. Normally he’d laugh and jokingly complain that the stains would never come out but all he could do was look at Vex and wait to see if she had anything left to say.

She was quiet.

“I understand.” 

Or Percy thought he did. He wasn’t entirely certain what was going through her head right now and she had never been the easiest woman to read to begin with. He lowered his gaze and sighed.

“I’m sor— goodnight, Vex’ahlia.” 

Trinket, sensing the change in Percy’s posture as he straightened, reluctantly moved his head out of the way. At least the bear wasn’t angry with him… and if Trinket wasn’t trying to bite his head off, Percy could only assume it meant that Vex simply needed time to process. She wasn’t _angry_ with him. Or she was but it would pass. 

“I know none of this will go away overnight but… I can wait for it to get better.” 

Percy didn’t wait for Vex to follow him. She could blow out the candles when she was ready. Percy trusted her not to mess with anything in his workshop in his absence, unlike Grog or Scanlan. Another heavy sigh escaped him as he passed over the threshold and he looked back: she had turned her head away, staring into the candlelight with Trinket brushing up against her comfortingly. 

Percy pulled the door partially closed behind him to give her her privacy.

 

*

 

Many days passed and Percy hadn’t spoken to Vex. He’d seen her, of course, but she was always with her brother or, unsurprisingly, in deep conversation with Pike… both of which she had mentioned by name when she’d told him to save his apologies. Percy wasn’t ready to face either just yet. Besides, he’d already narrowly avoided an encounter with a very grim-looking Vax after he had left his workshop that night. 

Instead, he passed the time catching up with Cassandra, showing Kashaw and Zahra through the castle grounds and Whitestone proper, or sitting with Keyleth in the courtyard. Keyleth, thankfully, had not given him a talk just yet.

She had asked if Percy had spoken to Vex and when he explained what had passed between them, Keyleth simply nodded and asked him if he’d like to go for a walk. Percy had enough on his plate and if he knew Keyleth well enough, it was possible she was reserving her judgments while other tensions died down before she brought forth her own opinion the matter. Keyleth was just as opinionated, strong-willed, and stubborn as the others. She was quite possibly their only moral compass besides Pike and she was growing wiser over the years. She was learning when she should hold her tongue and when she should speak. Percy appreciated it. The druid cared for the twins and he wouldn’t have blamed her for an outburst but it seemed that she was holding it in for now.

They had been walking through the grounds again, Keyleth pointing out the little things in nature Percy had never noticed before as she usually did on these walks. She was actually quite pleasant company, something he did not appreciate nearly often enough. But she had decided it was time to check in on the others and asked if he would stay outside or join her this time. Percy had politely declined the offer and opted to take in a little more fresh air before he returned to his workshop, the space that he occupied most of his time in, rather predictably. 

Vex had not come down to visit him again.

So Keyleth had departed and Percy was left to his own devices. It was strange to wander these grounds again. Sometimes Cassandra joined the gunslinger and the druid and offered a small sense of familiarity to the scene but it wasn’t quite enough. So he trudged though the yard with his hands shoved into the pockets of his coat, keeping his head down even though he was alone.

Or so he thought. 

Percy spotted movement off by the tree line. There was a blur of brown and teal, moving faster than he imagined possible. Upon further inspection he realized it was indeed Vex’ahlia… running. Trinket lopped along next to her and the reason she was going so fast was to keep up with his giant bear strides. Her hair was down, the remnants of an old braid trailing behind her as she ran. She was both graceful yet wild at the same time and Percy found himself entranced with the image. And then he saw something else:

She was laughing. It wasn’t just regular laughter, it was the sort of laughter one only managed when their heart was bursting with joy. She looked _alive_. Percy wanted to call out to her but he didn’t want the moment to end.

He remembered the first few days after. Vex had been so nonchalant about her near-miss initially but then the weight of her very real death had sunk in. Even living and breathing, she’d been too pale, uninterested in eating or sleeping, or doing much other than curling up with Trinket in her room. It was as if she had become her own ghost, haunting the Vex-shaped skeleton they’d brought back into this world. But Vax had coaxed her out of the living grave she seemed to have created around herself and soon enough she was coming downstairs, joining them for small meals… but she’d remained distant except around the select others Percy had been thinking about earlier.

This was a version of Vex he had not seen in a long time, perhaps since before they had met the Briarwoods. She seemed so care-free and excited to feel the grass beneath her toes (as she wasn’t wearing shoes, Percy noted) and the air in her lungs. Each breath Percy took while watching her seemed instantly more refreshing than it had before. 

He still needed to apologize but he couldn’t intrude upon this moment. The time wasn’t right and he was willing to wait for it.

 

*

 

The first night Vex joined Percy for supper was unexpected. It was late, too late for supper really, but Percy had gotten distracted by a new project in his workshop. They had unanimously voted to stay in Whitestone for a time. Everything was still dire but Vex had needed time to recover, as had they all. Some were getting anxious to head out again, something still driving them to right the world’s wrongs even though they were just a ragtag bunch of adventurers forced together by a variation of dark circumstances. But it had been agreed: one more week in Whitestone until they were certain everyone was back to their full strength. After what Percy had witnessed on the castle grounds, he knew Vex was quickly making her way toward recovery, but the group knew not to push. She had her good and bad days. 

Besides, they still had not spoken. But perhaps that might change now, Percy thought, pushing some greens around on his plate as he watched her enter the room. Vex dropped into a chair across from him unceremoniously, a small snack of bread and cheese on a plate in front of her. Percy stared and was rewarded with a small smirk when he was caught; that was good, right?

“Vex’ahlia.”

“Percival.” 

The silence between them was not tense this time, nor was it uncomfortable. It was simply silence that allowed them both to eat in peace before they engaged in any sort of conversation. Percy wondered if he could apologize yet. It was something that was nagging at him; what was he trying to prove? He was the one thing in life that he could control. If Vex was not ready to hear his apology still, he would still wait for it—the moment when she _was._

And oh, how he had been waiting. All his proper upbringing was pushing him practically to impatience. But he would wait for it. Just keeping waiting, Percival, he told himself. Impatience was what had caused his foolishness, after all. An impatience to fix the world. If he couldn’t manage a simple request from a friend, how were they meant to face larger problems?

Pushing his plate away, Percy cleared his throat. As he looked up, he realized that Vex had been staring at _him_ this time. She smirked again at the surprise on his and pulled her feet up onto the edge of the chair, wrapping her arms around her knees and resting her chin on them. The brown eyes that watched him were twinkling and doe-like… a trait Percy hadn’t really considered might apply to Vex’ahlia but for all her toughness, there was an equal and opposite softness about her when she chose to let it show. 

“How are you?” he asked carefully. 

Vex shrugged a shoulder. 

Percy glanced around. He was surprised to note that Trinket was absent. Vex seemed to pick up on this and waved a hand dismissively in front of her face. 

“I sent him to keep my brother occupied. I’ve heard you two haven’t spoken yet. Perhaps that’s best as we haven’t…” 

“We haven’t spoken either,” Percy finished for her.

“It’s been awhile, Percival.”

And that it had. Percy couldn’t help the relieved sigh when Vex said this. So she too knew exactly how long this silence had been going on for. To him, it felt like an eternity and he never did quite understand entirely why. To her? Well, Percy didn’t know but he was glad that she hadn’t forgotten about him. It was Vex; of course she hadn’t forgotten about him. Suddenly all of his doubts felt foolish. 

She was ready to talk. No more waiting. 

“Shall we speak here? Or is there a better place for this conversation that you might prefer?” 

He was as polite as ever and Vex laughed quietly, the twinkle in her eyes never extinguishing. She shook her head. 

“Here is fine. I don’t think we’ll be disturbed.”

Percy nodded. The others had likely retired for the night or had otherwise occupied themselves after their regular meal. He and Vex’ahlia were alone, once again lit by candlelight, the dim glow flickering across each of their features. When the light hit her just right, Vex looked like a wild animal—always alert, always ready for whatever came at her. But then it would flicker again and she went back to being just Vex. Gentle, caring Vex. 

“Vex’ahlia…”

He couldn’t help but look down at the table a bit nervously. Was this the time? Could he finally apologize? The guilt had lessened. He had wrestled his demons during their strange separation and had forced himself to believe that it had all been a tragic accident. No less his fault but it was not something he could change by turning back the clock. They would both live with the consequences of his actions. But now it was bearable. Now he _could_ live with it. But how well had wounds healed? Would this only rip them open again?

“Spit it out, Percival.”

Percy looked up, immediately feeling the brown eyes that were still on him. 

“I am sorry, Vex’ahlia. I’d like to apologize now, if you’ll let me.” 

He waited a moment longer. Vex’s expression was impenetrable. He was waiting for permission but he could not tell if she was saying yes or no. Suddenly, she untangled her limbs from one another and got up, making her way around the table. The mask slipped and she was… indecisive? Percy tilted his head sideways, looking up to regard her as she stopped at his side. 

“Kiss me.”

“W-What?”

Vex guided him to his feet, tugging at the collar of his shirt. Once he was standing, completely confounded, Percy struggled to tell if she was being serious. But he could find no hint of teasing in her gaze.

“If you want to apologize, Percival, just kiss me.”

“Vex’ahlia, we shouldn’t… this would be…” 

She frowned, the impatience Percy had felt this entire time written all over her face in a very Vex-ish way.

“Wrong? A mistake? Improper?” 

She listed off a few more suggestions before Percy cut her off with a finger to her lips, shaking his head. That wasn’t it (well, she wasn’t _entirely_ off-course but that was another matter) because _this_ wasn’t about him. Was she really asking this of him? Was it genuine or a byproduct of what he’d witnessed on the grounds the other day? She had died and now she was… what? Living as much of life as she could? Percy had seen it before. 

But he also didn’t want to say no. He had certainly wondered if something like this would ever happen. She’d kissed him before but it hadn’t been... this would be different. _Very_ different. Or would it? Had they been leading up to this the entire time? Oh, he didn’t know what to make of this. 

 _So many questions_.

And Vex wasn’t having any of it. She yanked at his collar, dragging him down to eye level with her, and waited. It was, Percy realized, entirely his call.

It was easier not to think once he’d made his decision. One hand moved through her hair, brushing it a pointed ear and the other pulled her closer to him. He didn’t have to worry whether or not she would kiss him back—she may have let him make the choice but this had been _her_ idea. It was so much easier than an apology, more natural than stumbling over his words, and it wasn’t until he was in the moment that Percy realized that this was what he had been waiting for, not some sloppy attempting at curing her wounds with emotional speeches. Vex had taken the lead, letting him knowing exactly she what she wanted.

It wasn’t an apology. 

It was forgiveness.

 

*

 

They went their separate ways not longer after the kiss ended. Percy left the dining hall with his head practically spinning. Vex had slipped off into the shadows, a small smile left on her lips. They’d said nothing to one another; it was in silent agreement that they decided to come back to this in the morning. 

Percy had kissed Vex. He had _kissed_ Vex’ahlia.

And gods, he had enjoyed every moment of it.

No apologies had been said but they’d been given. It was clear that Vex had forgiven him. And it was clearer that Percy had begun to forgive himself. That was what she had wanted. He’d figured it out eventually. Words were distant, detached. Percy had been too afraid to be near her, to touch her, to risk hurting her ever again. But she’d given him a choice: take the chance or don’t. This had never been about an apology. She’d needed her space to recover and he’d needed his space to learn to live with what had happened but it wasn’t an apology either of them had needed after all.

Or so Percy hoped. Perhaps he was thinking into it too much. Vex was a beautiful but mysterious individual. She teased him and flirted with him but when it came down to it, who were they together? What were they now? 

Moving down the hall toward his room, Percy saw Vax coming toward him. The rogue hadn’t spotted him yet but there wasn’t enough time for Percy to cover the blush to his cheeks, let alone duck out of the way before the other twin realized that something was up. 

Percy was mostly surprised when Vax’ildan simply moved past him with only a raised eyebrow as Percy fumbled past, practically stammering a greeting of sorts. They hadn’t spoken since the beholder fight and Percy wasn’t usually one to actively try and avoid someone but Vax had been an… intimidating presence as of late. When Vax turned back around, Percy could feel a lump rising up behind his Adam’s apple. How much did Vax know? If he thought Vex’ahlia was hard to read, her brother was twice as bad and now he had double the reason to be protective of his sister:

Killing her and kissing her were two _very_ different things.

“Percival.”

“Vax.” 

These brisk greetings were becoming habit for Percy. He couldn’t help but remain nervous in Vax’s presence. Events since the Briarwood had weighed down on the other man perhaps more than they had on others. Or perhaps that much was just easier to tell. Vex’ahlia’s death had simply been a breaking point for Vax. Witnessing the risk he’d taken to save his sister’s life was evidence enough. Percy knew all too well how these deals worked now.

“You know, I don’t believe for a minute you’re _not_ sorry for what happened down there.”

Vax’s statement was like a punch to the gut. The words should have been reassuring but his tone was too dark to be entirely believable. 

“But you’re lucky my sister is willing to put her life on the line for you, almost too literally this time. I trust her judgment even if I don’t want to. We haven’t talked because there are many things I want to say to you, Percival, and Vex’ahlia convinced me not to.”

There it was. There was the Vax Percy had expected and for some reason it made him relax. Vax was more dangerous when he was keeping things bottled up. Even if he apparently wasn’t going to lash out like he wanted to, making his position clear was more of a comfort than having to tread lightly just in case.

“If you ever hurt her again, I won’t be so restrained.”

“If I could have taken her place, Vax…”

“I know.”

The shadows in Vax’s eyes were all too honest. Vax had offered himself in his sister’s place and Percy would have if it had come to that. For now, it could be their middle ground. Vax didn’t have to like him or trust him after everything. But he knew just how serious a person had to be to genuinely offer their life in exchange for another’s. 

They could work with that.

Vax nodded once then glanced at Percy again, eyes narrowed.

“And if you ever hurt her in any other way, I don’t have to tell you that I’ll dangle you in front of a dragon personally.”

And then he left, heading off down the hall, leaving a gaping Percy in his wake. Had he seen? Had Vex already told him? Both were just as likely. But then, Percy noted, that had been Vax’s version of his blessing under the circumstances. 

Maybe their stormy friendship wasn’t nearly as dire as Percy had thought after all.

 

*

 

That night, Percy was woken by something. He wasn’t sure what it was at first. He just knew he had been roused from his sleep suddenly and blinked blearily into the darkness. He reached for his glasses on his bedside table and tried to work out what exactly had disturbed him so. He sat up further before he heard it again: it wasn’t quite screaming but a loud cry of distress. At least loud enough that he could hear it.

And he knew precisely who it belonged to. 

Percy found the nearest pair of slippers and a robe that hung off the end of his bed. Oh, how he missed these luxuries when they were on the road. Lighting a candle, he made his way down the castle halls, in search of the door behind which the sound would be emanating.

He knocked at first but when there was no answer except sudden silence, Percy nudged it open just a little bit.

He saw Vax, sitting by his sister’s side, a hand on her shoulder and another on her knee. Vex had her face buried into the pillow which must have been responsible for the newfound silence that was only broken by the occasional muffled sob.

Percy blinked. He had thought the nightmares had stopped. He had heard her cry out in her sleep before. He’d always been torn—they had still been giving each other space after all—but soon the screams would stop and Percy knew it was her brother who would have immediately been in to check on her. But tonight it was his turn. The two men exchanged a look. 

Then Vax nodded, squeezed his sister’s shoulder and leaned closer to her ear. Percy could only just make out what he said.

 _Percival’s here_. _He’s here, Vex’ahlia._

And then he stood and let himself out. 

Percy blinked. If their conversation earlier that evening hadn’t given him the half-elf’s blessing, this had. Percy didn’t dwell on it long. Without hesitation, he made his way over to her bed, around the other side, and lay down. Gathering her in his arms, he pulled her closer until Vex had rolled over and buried her head into his chest rather than the pillow. He rubbed circles between her shoulder blades and waited… 

Wait for it…

There was a heavy sigh and a slight hiccup. The crying had ceased. But Percy didn’t move or let go. He continued rubbing her back and noted the slim fingers wrapped around a bunched up section of his robe as if holding on for dear life. Across the bed, Trinket’s head had popped up over the side and the bear let out a low whine. If a bear could ask if everything was okay, Percy was near certain that was what was happening.

“She’s alright, Trinket. She’ll be okay.” 

Percy wasn’t sure how much time passed since he’d come into her room. He knew that Vex hadn’t gone back to sleep. Her breathing was erratic and frightened. All Percy could do was hold her and hope that this was okay. She hadn’t protested; she hadn’t kicked him out. In fact, Vax had almost made it sound like she had been asking for him. Percy pushed the thought from his mind. That wasn’t what mattered right now. 

“Vex?” 

Silence then a sniffle. 

“Why did it happen, Percival?” 

Percy’s brow furrowed. Why did what happen? Why had she been caught in that trap? Why did she die? Why had they _kissed_? Gods, he hoped this was not about the last one.

“Why did it have to be me?” 

Oh. 

“I… don’t know, Vex.” 

And he didn’t. Death was fickle. It could pick and choose as it liked. It had no regard for whom it took; Death was merely a messenger for some higher power, whomever that was. Pelor, Sarenrae, the Raven Queen… who made the call? Who chose?

Why had they chosen Vex?

“It was a mistake. It wasn’t your time. If it had been, we wouldn’t have been able to bring you back. And I don’t know what we’d have done if it _was_ your time honestly.” 

This time, the silence hung over them like an ominous force threatening to come down on them at any moment. Percy pulled Vex closer. The closer she was, the easier it would be to keep her from harm. They might have been alone in the room but the sense of dread had crept up on both of them, working its way around them in invisible tendrils until it had bound them in place in fear.

“I’m not ready for that day to come,” Vex admitted quietly. 

Percy sighed, pressing his nose into her hair. He slowly pried Vex’s grip loose from his robe so that he could toss it to the side and slide under the covers. With each movement he waited for her to ask him to stop but she never did. Pulling her into his arms again, he felt Vex hook a leg around one of his to keep him there. Gently, Percy pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“We tell ourselves that we are but no one is ready to die. We don’t want to have to say goodbye. We like to hope that we’ll never have to.”

 

*

 

Waking up, Percy was confused to find himself in a bed that was not his own. Then a weight on top of him registered and he was even more bewildered until the events of the previous night flooded back.

He lay on his back and the weight came from how Vex was curled against him with her head on his shoulder and one arm draped over his chest. He remembered how he had brushed through her hair with his fingers until she’d finally fallen asleep again. He remembered how her breath had tickled her neck as she’d settled into the exact position she was still in now.

The sun was high enough that he knew it had to be at least midday. Never would Percy have typically slept this late but he was now effectively trapped in bed and didn’t have the heart to move Vex.

Shifting his head ever so slightly, he looked at her sleeping face. She was still even with lips parted ever so slightly as if she had been talking in her sleep and her hair was a mess which made Percy want to chuckle. But the best part of the sight was the colour in her cheeks and the breath still breezing over his skin. Her eyes were closed but her body was warm.

It wasn’t like before. The memories were there in his mind but Vex was here, next to him. She was alive this time.

Not long after this moment of delayed revelation, Vex stirred. She didn’t wake as confused as Percy had which made him wonder if she’d woken more than once during the night only to find him there each time. He thought he’d felt movement but he’d been so exhausted that he hadn’t reacted.

No words were exchanged for at least a quarter of an hour. Vex merely lounged atop him until Percy dared try to tickle her in which their lazy ‘morning’ had become a full-blown play fight. Watching Vex laugh and duck behind a pillow to hide from him, only to peer over the edge moments later, reminded him of that day on the grounds. Every time he managed to pin her against the bed, he was surprised to hear Vex’ahlia actually screech with laughter—once so loudly that Trinket startled himself awake on the floor and grunted at them both irritably.

They eventually settled again but not without a few attempts at trying to get the drop on the other. Vex sat cross-legged on top of the blankets, trying to fix her own braid, while Percy watched. When he saw how much she was struggling to untangle it—did Vax _really_ do this everyday?—Percy sat up properly and told her to turn around so he could sit behind her. It wasn’t her usual style but with some effort he managed a loose French braid, the sort Cassandra sometimes liked to wear when they were all children.

“What happens next?” he found himself asking, not intending to say the words aloud but they escaped before Percy could stop them. 

Vex tried to turn to look at him but was promptly chastised as Percy tried to finish the end of the braid. He saw her shoulders rise and fall as she took a deep breath.

“We wait.”  
  
“We wait?”

Vex shifted a little between his legs, trying to squirm out of his grasp. Dammit, the braid was _almost_ finished.

“You know, we wait until… we see what happens.”

“So we wait for the day when we decide whether any of this is…?”

“Yeah. That’s… I mean, if that’s alright with you?” 

It had hardly been a day since she had come up to him, asking him to kiss her. It had hardly been a day since everything had changed between them. Except it hadn’t really changed exactly, it had just become something neither of them were sure what to do with out in the open. He hadn’t expected a kiss and one night of unexpected comfort to blossom into something whole.

“Of course it is.”

 

*

 

The whole group reconvened a day later. There was a certain levity in the air that hadn’t been present in a long time. It seemed that everyone present had clued in on the repaired—if strengthened—dynamic between their ranger and gunslinger, while the silent acceptance of their rogue confirmed the rest. It was time to return to the real world, the one where people _did_ die and dragons still roamed the skies, looking for their next victims.

Plans were tossed about, suggestions were made, and bickering ensued. Throughout the relative chaos, Percy caught Vex’ahlia’s eye more than once. At first he’d smile politely. As time dragged on, he’d make silly faces at her and she’d make one in return. Neither of them realized that the others had begun to notice their antics between objections or additions to the discussion. 

By the time Vox Machina dispersed once again, they had half a plan. 

Not bad by their standards. 

Coming up behind Vex, Percy gently placed an arm on her elbow, nudging her toward the dining hall’s double doors.

“Shall we go for a stroll?”

Honestly, he didn’t know how to properly court a woman, let alone one who had so much history with him already. So he simply left the question at that and let himself lead her as subtly as possible out onto the grounds. It was a cool day but the sun still shined.

“You know I saw you… that day you were out here with Trinket.”

Vex looked at him, raising an eyebrow in question. Of course; she came out here with Trinket a lot.

“You were running. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person run so fast but, then again, I’ve never tried to keep up with a bear.” 

As if on cue, Trinket came blundering out of the castle behind them, nudging Vex in the back with his nose (nearly knocking her off balance) before bounding off down the trail ahead of them. Percy chuckled as Vex tried to twist around to wipe the sudden, wet nose print off of her clothing. 

“It was more than just the speed though. It was the first time since…”

“I died.”

Percy blinked. It was still odd to hear her say it, let alone say it so casually. He knew it still hurt her to talk about but hearing her say it as a simple fact caught him off-guard. But that was Vex; like the moment she woke up and thought nothing serious had happened at all. Percy smiled. 

“Yes, since you… died, it was the first time I’d seen you so happy. It was nice." 

“Nice?” she repeated, smirking.

“What?” Percy asked, raising an eyebrow in return.

What else was he supposed to say? How stunning she had looked or how magical the moment itself had truly been?

“Nothing,” Vex responded, looking off after Trinket with a widening smile.

“You looked happy,” he said, “and I was glad. Without talking, I didn’t know if… I thought maybe the reason you hadn’t come to me yet was because things weren’t looking up yet.” 

Vex stopped in her tracks, bringing her arms up around her chest, looking at Percy then staring at the ground. Percy stopped immediately, worried he’d said something wrong.

“Vex?” 

“I _was_ happy,” she replied, although suddenly she looked anything but. “I was very happy. It was the first time in days that I’d… that I’d gone outside the castle. Keyleth wanted me to get some fresh air and she’d been bothering me for days about it so I finally agreed and once I was out here…

“It was glorious. To run with Trinket and feel the grass and the breeze and get dirt beneath my fingernails again when I finally stopped to rest. But I…”

She trailed off but started walking with him again, looking uncertain about whether or not she should continue.

“But what?” 

Perhaps a gentle prompt might help? 

“Once I got back in, I was exhausted. I went to take a nap and as soon as I closed my eyes I could feel the air being forced out of my lungs and then Vax was there and he called Pike…”

And the fear had never left her, Percy thought. She’d simply pushed it away for a couple of hours. He offered her his hand. Without even thinking about it, she laced her fingers with his. 

“Vex’ahlia, I know you don’t want me to say any of this but I’m so sorry. For everything that’s happened to you. That’s happened to us. I was responsible for the whole fiasco with the Briarwoods. I got you _killed_. And I don’t know how to live with the knowledge that every time we find our way over a hurdle, I put you back in danger again.”

Percy paused and Vex halted with him. 

“Percival…”

“No, Vex, let me say this. And no kisses this time. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed that evening but… if I had lost you—if _any_ of us had lost you—I don’t know what this group would do. We nearly did, it was my fault, and I… after everything, I don’t know how to trust myself. I say I’m trying to be a new me and I nearly got you killed for good. How does someone live with that?” 

Vex leaned her head against his shoulder, sighing thoughtfully. 

“We wait,” she said decisively. Percy vaguely wondered if her near-death experience had instilled some sort of patience in her that no one had ever seen before. “We wait until the day that any of this will ever fucking make sense. It’s all we can do, I guess. If there’s a reason that after all of this we’re still alive then we have to wait for it.” 

She paused.

“And I’m willing to wait for it with you.”

Percy nodded, untangling their fingers only to wrap an arm around her shoulders. Waiting. It would have to do.

“Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this started out as a response to my own prompt to Curriebelle for a post-ep. 44 fic. I figured "oh why not? I'll write something too" and my ~1000 word project... expanded. Only moderate editing has been done since I decided to stay up most of the night to finish it but I'll come back to this one day. For now, however, I think Currie has been dying to read it with all the little teasers I gave on Twitter and it shall do.


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